Lies, damn lies & statistics

Lies, damn lies & statistics

I’ve had to rename my fitness tracker. It’s now called Offsake, which is short for “Oh-for-f*cks-sake”.

I’m sure they’ve only been created to piss you off and make you feel guilty. I’m permanently disappointed whenever I look at it. Yesterday I was sure I’d reached my target 10,000 steps, and yet I look at Offsake and it says 126. I mean, one of us isn’t counting right and I’m pretty sure it ain’t me. For starters I went to the loo 3 times, and I took the long route through the neighbour’s back yard. How is it not capturing that!?

And there’s no way it knows how to count calories. I have a strict target of 1,500 per day and it’s currently saying nearly 2,000. It’s only 11.00am for f*cks sake. What about lunch and dinner, not to mention tonight’s 9pm movie snack.

No wonder my blood pressure’s through the roof, Offsake’s a damn killing machine.

I’ve seriously had it. I was in a far happier place when I made educated guesses. My numbers were so much better in my head than on my wrist.

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