Lies, damn lies & statistics

How to be popular - revealed I recently overheard someone say, well-behaved women rarely make history, which, at the time made me smile but then, when I thought about it (I was sat outside drinking wine), I wondered to myself (yes, sometimes I drink alone), who are the most popular women in history (and why do I keep putting things in brackets)? I went to my trusted friend (Google, damn it, I’ve done it again) and came across exactly what I was looking for.  The results will keep on changing, but in July 2019, based on Google searches at the time, the most popular woman in history was Madonna! More people searched online for Madonna at that time than anyone else! Ok, some people might have been looking for Jesus’s mum, but still. Where’s the Kardashians? Where’s Kylie Jenner or Meghan Markle? Interestingly of the top 10 searches, only 2 of the women are still alive - only 1 if you deem Madonna as the biblical figure and not the singer. But more importantly and pleasantly

Lies, damn lies & statistics I’ve had to rename my fitness tracker. It’s now called Offsake, which is short for “Oh-for-f*cks-sake”. I’m sure they’ve only been created to piss you off and make you feel guilty. I’m permanently disappointed whenever I look at it. Yesterday I was sure I’d reached my target 10,000 steps, and yet I look at Offsake and it says 126. I mean, one of us isn’t counting right and I’m pretty sure it ain’t me. For starters I went to the loo 3 times,  and  I took the long route through the neighbour’s back yard. How is it  not  capturing that!? And there’s no way it knows how to count calories. I have a strict target of 1,500 per day and it’s currently saying nearly 2,000. It’s only 11.00am for f*cks sake. What about lunch and dinner, not to mention tonight’s 9pm movie snack. No wonder my blood pressure’s through the roof, Offsake’s a damn killing machine. I’ve seriously had it. I was in a far happier place when I made educated guesses. My numbers